It's been so long since I've posted to this blog. I had the best intentions. I signed in today just to see where I was when I last shared here. Morbid curiosity? Maybe. I feel like I'm looking into someone else's window. How strange. Who was I? Why did I start a blog anyway? My good friends encouraged me. I love my friends. I also love my bed, my books and my favorite distractions. That's partially why it's been two years. Time goes by quickly. Life transforms us in ways we can't foresee. Various circumstances and happenings just kind of "come up". Would I have been crushed if I knew the future beforehand? A lot of poop has hit the proverbial fan in the last two years for me. Yet there has been so much grace. There IS so much grace. I'm so aware now that I'm swimming in an ocean of it every day. No, not poop. Grace. How I love my "grace baths". I get stinky so fast. Two years since my last post. I've felt God's soft hand molding me and caring for me. He's answered so many of my prayers and a few of my questions.  I have a lot of questions. Maybe there's a question quota and I go over it . I really don't think that's what happens but the thought crosses my mind. I want to be a friend of God. Not because of what He can give me. That's a half-truth . I know that He is the source of everything that's good. I need. I want. I lack. I have kids I'm responsible for. I don't want to mess them up. I want to have a good marriage. That's hard here on planet earth. I overflow sweetly and bitterly. I have gifts, sure. Sometimes I think I'm terrible. At other times I think I'm pretty great. Sometimes I'm  really amazed at myself . I can do quite a few things pretty darn well. I'm being honest here. On a bad day I'm horrified at who I am. I listen to lies because they scream so loudly. The glaring obvious lack in my own character makes me crazy until I hear the voice of my Father walking in the garden in the coolness of the day. I WANT to walk with Him. I NEED to be with Him. I desire. Every day. I desire. If it's not God I'm desiring then it's something else.Still,  I want to want Him to be the one that I want. That scripture has always gripped me. The one about God strolling through the lush, bountiful garden. I can hear my Father walking in the garden in the cool of the day. It's so delicious and irresistible to me. I , we, can come to the garden. What? Yes.  We can. Jesus restored our Garden Time. He understood us because He lived the way we live.  He lived here.  He wanted to understand our lives. He was tempted the way we are tempted. He lived like us and He understands. I go back over and over and over to this one verse. Every translation of it is so good but here is one I love.
 "God's Word" says: "That is why he is always able to save those who come to God through him. He can do this because he always lives and intercedes for them." Hebrews 7:25
What else can I say? How can I close this post other than to simply say "Thank you, Jesus. You're so good and noble and kind and just and mmmmmmmmm. Oh my goodness.  That's what you are, Jesus. My "goodness". You know what I love about you, Jesus?  I love that you're bigger and sweeter and kinder and more virtuous than any word that I have in my vocabulary to describe you. That comforts me. It makes me trust you to hold my life in your hands. It makes me feel good when I say that I don't understand everything. I love your goodness. I trust in it. I find it irresistible . I find YOU irresistible. What  am I going to do with a Love like that? We'll see.